you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
