hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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