I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
