it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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