k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
