Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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