I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
