i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
