it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
