I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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