got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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