Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
