My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
