I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
time to smoke my breakfast
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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