I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
