Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
