Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you bring me the toilet please
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
