when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize