She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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