My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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