no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize