I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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