Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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