well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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