Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
