I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
