i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
