Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
