yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
