Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
