I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
