I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
