Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
