btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize