Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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