I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
