Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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