He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
