Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
