he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
