I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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