i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
