is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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