the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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