"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
