tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
