the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
