I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
