My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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