Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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