You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
