i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
