Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
