god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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