shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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