listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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