ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
