I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize