margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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