I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
