Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
