It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
