Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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