sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
