we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
