just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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