4 words: hood of his car
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
