woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
