Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
where does the pee come out of this thing
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
