I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have tasted many bathrooms
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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