I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
